Sorry I haven't been around at all lately, I've had a lot on my plate these last few months...Plus I kinda forgot my username for a bit there XD
This is part of the conversation @Hans_Oddcraft mentioned. A spam email wound up in my pseudonymous email (My real name isn't Gregory) and I decided to reply to it. The scammer's emails are in italics, mine are in bold.
_I contacted you as regards to our 50 kilograms of refined gold bar we _
_have now for sale. Please if you are willing to buy or you know _
someone who can buy gold,just let me know for more details.
So I emailed him back. And I said:
Your offer intrigues me. I have been looking for a large deal I could
invest in. Could you give me more details?
And to my delight, he replied.
Dear Sir Gregory,
Thanks for your reply. For your information!!!,we don't run any risk deal,Gold is a precious commodity,it is unwise and foolish to attach any kind of risk in gold business,so our gold is 100% risk-free.
We are local miners,mining from our ancestral village lands in Ghana.Our gold is pure refined bar,23+ karat,96% purity. Our local price is $27,000 per kilogram.
Dear, we need a reliable buyer. You have to come to Ghana,see the gold,confirm it yourself and be satisfied,because seeing is believing.
There are scammers,fake gold dealers and buyers nowadays,making is difficult to detect the real/genuine gold dealers,that's one of the major reasons we want everything to be live and transparent.
We shall provide you an interim visa to Ghana,when you arrive in Ghana you won't pay us money in advance for the 50kg,rather we will interact with you,we all will get to know ourselves,sign a live agreement/contract with you,then act of trust,release the total 50 kilograms to you on credit.
When the gold gets to your country,after sales you'll make your own gain and send us the money.
We are mining with a locally made tools,we have lost some of our miners,due to lack of modern mining machines,we need the money to buy some modern mining machines,and to compensate the families of our miners that lost their lives,and the injured during mining.
We need a reliable,serious and honest buyer that shall establish a long term business relationship with us,in sincerity.
Attached is the gold picture and the Certificate of ownership. I will send you our FCO document in my next email.
Please while replying this message include your private telephone number.
Mr George Apia.
But this was just the beginning! Oh gosh this was a good week XD
He sent me these, which is hysterical:
And I told him:
50 kilograms? George, if we're going to do this, let's go big. How much gold do you have available for me to sell for you?
Then he said:
The quantity of gold we have now for sale is 50kg refined bar, the gold is 23+ karat,96% purity.
Come to Ghana,see the gold and confirm it yourself; we are proud of our gold,when you come and see the gold,you will be satisfied,seeing is believing.
Dear Georgie (Can I call you Georgie?) I've been looking into airline
tickets to Ghana and if I buy one I will have little money left. When
I go down there could I just bunk down with you? I'll take the sofa,
Also should I bring my own toaster or will you have one there?
Don't worry about your
little money,just come for the gold, no amount is little. We are
serious and willing to establish a long term business relationship
When this first business goes well,you will be happy to proceed in
business with us,because one good turn deserves another.
I will be glad to come to Ghana. Just to make sure before I come, you
don't have a cat, do you? Because I'm severely allergic to cats.
Dear Sir Gregory,
I don't rear animal of any sort. You won't stay in my private residence ,there are good,affordable hotels in Ghana,ranging between
$150 / $200.
Ghana is the most peaceful country in Africa,one of the most peaceful countries in the world.
Scan a copy of your international passport,we will get you an interim visa through Ghana Immigration Service(GIS).
Waiting for your urgent reply. Include your telephone number while replying this message.
Unfortunately I have an uncontrollable fear of hotels and other public
residence. It happened in 2003...It was horrible. It's a long story
but it involved a hippopotamus, a curling iron, and a bag of frozen
peas. I don't think you want to know the details. No, I should definitely stay with you.
Don't worry, you won't even notice I'm there.
If it would make you feel better, we could throw in a percentage for
you as a form of rent. I've drawn up some numbers:
Your Cat: %10
If I have to bring my own toaster I may have to bring your cut down by %5.
(I also gave him the phone number of some random bank in that email XD)
Ghana is very peaceful,i don't want to talk plenty,action speaks louder than voice. Come and see our gold yourself; we are not asking you to pay for the 50kg.
Okay, I won't need visa though because I have been to Ghana before and
visa is still valid.
Also my business partner Charlie says he wants some of the action, so
we're going to have to change the numbers.
George's cat, 10%
So, what address do I need to go to when I get to Ghana? I've already
purchased my plane ticket so I'm ready to go.
Then he says,
ok, then let me see your airplane ticket.
Now I kinda started to panic for a minute, because I thought I'd just have to drop the emails altogether. But I didn't. I got into Photoshop, spent about ten minutes of my day and made this:
(Note that none of that information is actually correct)
Then I said:
Okay, a screenshot of the ticket on the airline website is attached.
Also, I am concerned about moving such a large amount of gold
internationally. How are we going to ship it on my way back?
Office will resume on Monday,because of Muslim holiday. Your flight itinerary noted,but we need your passport copy as well.(Ha!)
About shipping the 50kg to your address,there is no problem at all.
There is a government own courier company in Ghana that specializes in conveying gold from Ghana to any address in the world,without any hitch.
The courier company only takes 5% of total value of the gold,The company has a diplomatic immune coverage to ship gold worldwide without any inspection in any transit airport.
As i stated in my previous email,send your passport copy as well. But bear in mind that we will resume work on Monday.18th day of June 2018.
So what did I do? This whole thing was rather ridiculous, so I decided to finally tick him off so bad that he'd leave me alone. So I sent him a picture of my passport:
How bout them apples?