It’s all a part of God’s plan. Instead of blaming God we must have trust in him that what he’s doing is right. That’s a part of it all.
Part of God’s plan is to let us have choice, otherwise it wouldn’t be right. There is no way he could be controlling us, or else we wouldn’t be us.
I know you don’t want to argue, but in reality if you don’t you end up not knowing, with this, uncertainty of either ignorance or incompleteness (which is not to be confused with doubt or faith.)
I’m not labeling you as a Calvinist or an Armenian. Infact, I think that’s straight up stupid. It’s like labeling someone black or white, stupid or intelligent. We are all human, and we all in one way or another have a connection to God, in all being the same, but unique. You can’t just restrict your mind and vocabulary to those restrictions.
I know this maybe personal for you, but trust me, I know that we together; people on the forums, the community, can help each other out(through God). You can be open (not too open to let people know personal details, just mental things) for us to help you. Just let us.
But it’s your choice, if you let your life go on, you may or not regret dismissing opportunities.