so, yeah I know I tried to take a break a while ago and it didn't happen... im not sure if any of you actually remember that, but what ever. this place was kind of getting addictive. im sure some of you understand what I mean. if your reading this. if you care.
ive been really buisy lately, and it made me realize that maybe I should get an actual life. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but ive always had big ambitions. im a dreamer. but I also like doing. it made me think about how if yall are my only friends (if I can call you that) then how will I ever have any connections in real life? I cant. honestly, im embarrassed that it took me this long to figure it out. anyway,
I know I have been on here more often than I should. and I mean, just for me. my personality. my ambitions. don't get me wrong; I love it here. I guess that's kind of obvious, though, since I used to be on so much. it just... it isn't the same as it used to be. I thought I could change it back. I didn't lift a finger, though, except literally when I typed on a computer or other device. I watched yall push to make this place better, and all I did was support yall with words. I feel terrible. I didn't know what to do.
besides that, I just don't feel like I fit in here. im not a talented writer or artist. when I came here, I thought I would try to find a place to fit in because I cant in real life. im not athletic, and that's all people really care about where I am. it doesn't matter how many art awards I win in real life, no one blinks an eye lash.
ugh, this is turning into a venting pity party note. that's not what I meant for it to be. I guess I just want yall to understand why Im not on as much and wont be. not that I should have expected you to notice. even though I did.
I doubt many (or any) of you will miss me much, but I will miss you. im sorry about all of the role plays I wont be very active in. im sorry that I didn't try to do more here. im sorry I sat here typing, watching all of your brilliance with my head in the clouds. someday that's whats going to get me in trouble. until then, ill be here, fishing for a life, a talent, a friend, every other impossible dream...
im sorry to waste your time if you are reading this. im sorry I am venting, ranting, dreaming, wishing, and wasting away moments that we both could be doing better things.
im not writing this to try to make anyone feel sorry for me. I don't even know what im doing any more. I kind of wish I didn't say anything, so I could just fade away from here, not making a big scene, no one noticing or caring. not that you probably will anyway. and that's nothing against you.
well, I guess that's it. I might be on kinda often, might not. ill just see where this head of mine takes me- if I can get it out of the clouds.
May the Scarlet Man be with you,