So. . . I'm leaving. . . again. Except this time it will likely be for "good". (Don't worry, not for good good.)
I am currently grounded from The Aetherlight, and have been for several days now. . . yet I admit that I haven't stopped signing on. I've been very unfaithful and dishonest to my parents, and to God, and I know it's time I repent.
I've been anxious -- no, terrified -- about the workload and college coming up and stuff like that. So terrified that I've been hiding from it. Staying away from my responsibilities, cutting me off from myself and obsessing over my virtual identity, relationships and world online.
Everyone, I am so sorry. Not only have I been lying to my parents, but I've been lying to you guys, too, stopping by and pretending nothing's wrong. I shouldn't be here. I've posted in this topic saying that I was leaving before, but I'm so insecure and fearful about my future, that I've always come back. I've been super dishonest with you guys, and I am very sorry for that.
I'm leaving because I'm grounded and I wish to obey my parents, and also to challenge myself to rely on God more. To "sever my right hand", so to speak (Matthew 5:29-30). I'm not returning until my parents say that I can come back. In all likelihood, that won't be for a long time. It could be anywhere between a few weeks to several months. Wow. . . writing this just literally made my heart sink three inches in my chest. I will miss you guys so very much. Each and every one of you have been such an amazing blessing to me. I am so thankful that God has allowed me to get to know you.
Please keep me in my prayers. Pray that I learn self-control to not sneak back on and further betray my authorities, and that I get my work done no matter how difficult. Pray that I find peace in God, and God only, in these stressful times, and that He rid of my doubts. Pray that I can learn to trust my parents, and that I do whatever I can to regain their trust as well.
I will be gone from Christward and Story Embers as well. But I will continue to update my blog, and I'll still be on Chess, Pinterest and Kingdom Pen assuming they fix it.
A few notes before I take my leave:
@Miss_K, please keep continuing to encourage and support everyone around you. I haven't been giving you the credit you deserve lately. You have been amazing, so uplifting, fearless, selfless and kind. Keep spreading the hope of the Engineer, and always remember, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).
@Julie_Martin, in the words of James Herriot, your "humor and zest for life have brightened my days". Your contributions to this forum always lift my spirits. You are among the sweetest and most fun-loving person I've ever met. Your joy is contagious. Please keep spreading it around. I think we need it.
@Emily_Purplebottle, I understand you're leaving The Aetherlight tomorrow. I wanted to take the time to say goodbye to you, and I'll miss seeing you here dearly. Remember, God loves you unconditionally. Nothing but the blood of Christ defines who you are. That being said, you really are a wonderful artist. Please continue to develop your skill, both in art and in writing!
@Jacoby_Elderfun1 @Iliara_Mustardtop, you two are so inspiring as moderators. I can't stress this enough. You have both been fantastic. Please keep it up!!
@Coop_Blimppenny, I sincerely hope you and the staff find the resources and the funding to keep developing this crazyawesome game. If we weren't so tight on money, I'd absolutely donate to Scarlet City Studios at least once. Keep looking toward the Engineer, people!!
@Missy_Vonheart, you are my role model. I admire you for how selfless and loving you are to everyone around you. I look up to you for your talent in art, writing and music. You are such an inspiration, and I am so grateful that I have gotten to know you. Please continue to spread God's love to everyone you meet.
I wish I could think of more things to say. I love you guys so much, I'm literally tearing up. Like, seriously. You guys mean so much to me!! Even if you didn't get a personal message, please know that you are on my heart, and will be for months to come. I feel awful for being so unfaithful to you, and I hope you can forgive me for it.
Sorry for the long post. May the Great Engineer be with you, and your aether never run dry.
-wipes tear- Beast out.
~~ Peregrine Appleclock