Hey everyone... there are a few things I want to get off my chest before I go. I hope this isn't too much of a rant, but we'll see.
I've noticed something that really, really makes me mad. When, for example, high-school kids think that they can't be friends with middle-school kids because they're too little. I remember feeling so frustrated that the older kids would act to cool for us... But now, I've become the kind of person I used to hate. I sometimes catch myself acting "cooler", better, etc. than others. When I realized who I was becoming I felt so angry at myself. How could I let myself fall... but that's not all.
Xonos, and Hans both told me to tell my parents, to contact a professional to help my friend. But I ignored them. I acted like I didn't see those posts, and continued slogging. I figured that now that her parents knew it was fine. That I didn't need to worry about her.
When she first told me everything I was extremely concerned. I wanted to help, but now it feels like a chore. I hate myself for that. My friend wants to kill herself and I'm acting better than her, like I am to cool to be seen with her. I'm ignoring her subtle, worried glances at youth functions. What is wrong with me.
This friend and I have known eachother since birth, but our friendship was almost forced. Around 5/6 years ago I began to feel less close to her, and a couple years ago we hardly hung out. Which is why I feel so burdened. I feel like her life is depending on me, and I'm not doing anything to help because. I hardly remember to pray for her, unless I get a text from her. I know I'm meant to be a light in her world, but how can I if I don't have a light in mine?
And now my sister and I are hardly making it through the day without getting mad at eachother...
Pray for me. Please.
