FIRST LIKE! Anyway, yes, I did read the entire thing (I did not skim, I promise you), and this is... This is... I would pull a Vytanni, but it's not original enough. Shall I find a meme? Yes, I shall find a meme. Or a GIF. Yes. A GIF. That works.
You write just... Amazingly... And I... *wants to take a DNA sample of your writing *